Land Snakes Alive!

I took Momma grocery shopping yesterday and she tried to buy a package of beans that should have been thrown out to the hogs the day before. I promised to pick her some of mine. That evening about 5:30, I was marching a bag of snap beans from the garden up to Momma’s house. I stopped to pet my cat, Big Foot, at the edge of the wildflower bed then continued to Momma’s.

My cat, Big Foot (notice the big paw with thumb)

Lo and behold, a few feet from Big Foot, lying just inside the wildflower bed, was a four foot long black snake. I don’t know about you but a snake is a snake. I hollered at Big Foot, “Git ‘im, kitty, git ‘im.”  The cat acted like he was deaf.

Giving the snake a wide berth, I got past him, stopped, took off one of my Shoes With Air, and threw it at him. The snake ambled out into the grass where Big Foot got up to look at him. Once again I chorused, “Git ‘im, kitty, git ‘im.”  Big Foot gave him a half-hearted pounce which sent the snake slithering across to the flower beds directly in front of my house and the cat lost interest in continuing the chase.

This caused a great deal of self-doubt. I questioned my January decision to take on the feeding of this flea-bitten, sway- backed, useless, pointless and worthless mongrel of a cat just because he had thumbs. What was I thinking? He and my father’s cat, Mimi-Hobo (his name depends on who’s calling him), tag team me at least three times a day for food yet they won’t even keep the plantation snake-free. There ought to be an unemployment office for cats ‘cause I’d pink slip ever last one of ‘em.

Dad’s cat, Mimi-Hobo

From the beginning, I’ve had the heebie jeebies about picking those snap beans because they flop all over the row and I can’t see where I’m putting my feet. Snakes always came to mind. Now I’m afraid to work in my flower beds. Do snakes have ears? I mean, I’m wondering if I should take a juke box outside when I work in the yard. What kind of music would keep snakes at bay? Boogie Woogie? Hip Hop? Or should I anesthetize them with classical music like Chopin, Mozart, those guys?

Your assistance, please.