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Tickle Thy Funny Bone Archives • Southern Rural Route

Down here in the Deep South, some of us have been spending the last month digging out from Hurricane Irma. The Mayor of Jacksonville has asked us to allow the City until November 8 (I think that was the date) to complete debris pickup with the “claw” trucks that are here from neighboring states. Debris is piled up in front of almost every yard. We are on our second pile from a … Read More

As I approach my 65th birthday, there seems to be a conspiracy afoot to make me feel OLD. I went into a big box store for a broom. What I wanted wasn’t on the broom racks. I consulted two clerks who were nearby. When I asked for a “regular” broom I got blank looks as though I had asked them for a manual typewriter and really, just what was a typewriter? See what I mean? It was … Read More

Ginny and I have always joked, morbidly, about being killed by green, tightly closed pinecones falling from our trees. She dubbed them greenies. There are several reasons that pinecones fall: Over production by the tree Damp conditions (closed scales) Drought conditions (open scales) Windy conditions Stress (tree is dying) Squirrel bombings Don’t … Read More

I’ve been racing against the clock since the first of March trying to get all my flower beds weeded and covered with new mulch before Memorial Day. After that date, it is too hot to work out in the yard and I become an air-conditioning fanatic. Heat in the upper 90’s is bad enough but down here in the South, we get this additional ingredient called humidity. That stuff makes … Read More

My dishwasher was having issues. It’s twelve. The internet, where I take all my problems except mental health, decided I needed a part.  Off I went to the appliance parts store. I walked in to see three women behind the counter, one of them with green hair. I knew immediately I had fallen off the crooked moon into the Twilight Zone. I couldn’t make a run for it, either, because … Read More

The mental floss for the mind started with Zorro. He was outside in the cold trying to prove he was a Big Boy like Whiskey although Whiskey was not around to witness his heroism. When I opened the front door for the third time at 3 a.m., he dashed inside and ran for my bed. I was unable to go back to sleep because he was purring like an outboard motor with a bad set of spark … Read More

  How many of you are afraid to turn on a slowcooker or crockpot and leave the house? I was always afraid the crockpot might burn my house to the ground while I was at work because stuff happens to me. I don’t volunteer for stuff; it jumps on me with glee. Once I left the 9-to-5 life, I had time to monitor bad crockpot behavior and searched the back of my pantry for a … Read More