WRONG SIDE OUT

Post last updated: October 10th, 2018

The Southern Rural Route is a deep, narrow lot at least 400 feet in depth. I live about 200 feet into that depth.

Front driveway from gate
Front driveway from gate

In order to leave the property, I must lock and double bolt my door, cringe in pain (2011 auto accident) as I heave what’s left of me down 3 steps. I then walk 50 to 80 feet (guesstimate) to the garage, unlock it, raise the garage door, back my car out, turn it around and drive 45 feet or so (another guesstimate) to the front gate. Get out, open the gate, get back in the car, drive it through the gate, get back out of the car, close the gate and THEN I can leave the property.

If, at that point, I discover my shirt is on backwards, I sure as cotton pickin’ ain’t going back home.

No fooling, this happened to me the other day. I briefly thought about yanking the shirt over my head right there in the car and made one of those furtive glances around the neighborhood trying to determine who might be home peeking out the windows.

In the end, I decided it wasn’t worth the drama. Living on the wrong side of trouble, as I do, about the time I had the shirt over my head, the po-leece would roar down the street, sirens blaring, and scare the pea-picking living daylights out of me. It could happen. We had a burglary on our street just last week and with my luck, indecency trumps burglary.

I made the very wise decision to proceed to the store where I gave the clerk the battery I needed for my garage door opener while I headed to the restroom. It took me about thirty seconds to fix my shirt and only two clerks at the battery store knew I had started my day wrong side out.

Other News

Poppie and I had been working in the yard yesterday and were resting our bones in the rocking chairs when a red fox came streaking through about 20 feet in front of us.  I was so excited I hollered, “A fox!” We then discussed how we haven’t seen foxes out here in 15 years or more. Poppie thinks Homer’s tractor prompted the fox to seek safer ground. We watched him run all the way down Mr. Golf Cart’s fence line and duck into the woods.

Yesterday was also my day to pick up limbs so Poppie could mow and I found another interesting mushroom. I looks lacy to me but I suppose some folks will think it has a skin disease.

 mushroom white lacy2-5835

20 thoughts on “WRONG SIDE OUT”

  1. Well you sound pretty safe to me after reading what you go through just to get on the street. I would guess that if someone went to all the trouble to get to your house they really meant to do you in, dear woman! I agree the mushroom looks like lace around the edges.

    You know that fussy cat I told you about? Well that darling cat is on my bad list this morning. His routine is to come inside, eat his breakfast, then sit in my lap while I have my first cup of coffee. Today he was in my lap and starts gagging. I’m trying to push his butt down before he throws up on me and he’s trying not to get down, the coffee fell to the floor in the struggle, and then after spilling the coffee that darn cat hops down and throws up on the rug. I may not feed his butt for a day or two just to show him who is boss around here!!!!

  2. I have a “wrong side out” story from college days, but that is for another day…
    Re: mushroom…kinda looks like eyelet, very fresh, but out of season (after Labor Day, no white and definitely no eyelet). Bless its heart.
    I love seeing wild life in the garden. It is so exciting. Makes you feel kinda special, like wearing your shirt backwards!!
    BB

    1. Becky B – That’s what I thought — a mushroom that looks like eyelet. I liked it regardless of whether or not it is woefully out of season. As for the fox, seeing him was WAY more exciting than finding my shirt on backwards.

  3. What I have found is that the police and your neighbors do not want to be in the newspaper or on the news talking about someone over 50. If you are in your 20s and you have your clothes on inside out, on backwards, or if you can see through the material it is a pretty good bet it will draw general interest. Somewhere over 45 they are just praying you are not befuddled and they are going to have to help you find your way home. The fact you went to the restroom and made the appropriate wardrobe adjustment I am sure drew a real sigh of relief…Do talk to the police about watching your neighborhood, the burglary is a serious issue, they are there to provide you that protection.

    1. Charlie – You have made a point that just didn’t occur to me but it sure tickled my funny bone — “they are just praying you are not befuddled…”. We’ve lived ere since the 80’s and had no burglary problems. In the last year or so we’ve had two. On the day my neighbor was robbed, Poppie had commented around 11 a.m. that he had noticed a lot of traffic on our street that morning. We live on a barely paved rural country lane with a 30 foot right-of-way (rather than the usual 60). The only people who BELONG on our dead-end road are the residents, their guests, and service people such as UPS and the mail. Additional traffic now means we need to pay attention to what’s going on.

  4. I’d have been nekkid – right then and there, just sayin’. Love the shroom. Glad you didn’t get burglarized. That’s a lot of locks, gates, twist turns and other encumbrances. Be safe.

  5. Wow, that is quite a lot to just get off your property! When we were house hunting up here in the North, we immediately dismissed any house with a long driveway, as we knew the longer the driveway, the more snow we had to move! And even though our driveway is only 10 feet long, my husband’s car still got stuck in the snow going into the driveway last winter. After trying pretty much everything, we finally had to get a neighbor to get her SUV and give his car a bump! Getting out two times each way to move a gate too would probably drive me batty 🙂

    1. Indie – I wouldn’t have any gigantic decorative rocks in the vicinity of my driveway if I lived up “nawth.” Imagine the damage that could do to your car if you had trouble distinguishing just WHERE your driveway was located? Yes, opening/closing the gate drives me batty! But Poppie is insistent that we keep it closed to discourage unwanted dogs and humans. Sometimes, I really really want to leave the gate open if I’m going to be gone less than an hour but Poppie turns into a snarling, rabid dog when I do so it’s just not worth it.

  6. I was going to comment on how wonderful your setting is, until you enlightened me to its disadvantages! But honest, I doubt the two clerks took notice of your shirt. I am sure they have seen worse!

  7. You could have just pretended it was “Inside Out Day”. My child’s elementary school used to have Inside Out Day at least once a year and the kids all thought it was a hoot.

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