CONSPIRACY AGAINST SLEEP

Post last updated: September 25th, 2018

Sometimes sleep evades me. Or I stay up too late reading a good novel. Or surfing the web. Now retired, I figure I can sleep in. However, the people I live among have their own issues and internal clocks and they botch my plans to sleep in. I have a few examples to share.

In mid-May, Poppie and I went back to Atlanta to see Miss Priss and attend a patriotic show her church holds every year. Being the crazy relative of the family, I am hidden away in the basement. Poppie, too, although I’m unsure why Miss Priss puts him down there because he does not exhibit symptoms of clouded thinking. In the basement, Poppie and I have about a thousand square feet. We each have our own room because it is a finished, walk-out basement. The bathroom happens to be at my bedroom door and most of what goes on in there does not disturb me. It’s a good thing, too, because Poppie gets up at 4 a.m.

One of those mornings, and you know this happened on the day I was dead dog tired, he took a shower that bolted me straight up in bed with a wild-eyed look. My hair was probably standing on end, too. I don’t know what he was doing in that shower stall, a square box about 3 foot by 3 foot, but it sounded like something was chasing him around the stall. I’m talking a chase scene with enough noise to make Burt Reynolds proud had it been included in his movie, Smokey and the Bandit. The first possibility to pop in my head was a squirrel because both Miss Priss and her daughter are terrified of bugs and critters. If you are unreasonably terrified of something, it shows up in your life. That’s the law.

As the racket continued in the shower, I had second thoughts about the squirrel. Having lived in Atlanta myself during the mid-80’s, I knew the snobs of Cobb County tried to avoid undesirable elements in their county. It was likely that squirrels were on the list because I couldn’t remember ever seeing them in the neighborhood. Chipmunks, either. So I was at a loss for what might be chasing Poppie. I decided against barging in there to save him when the noise stopped. My beauty sleep, however, was shot.

We returned from Atlanta to discover that Country Boy, my next door neighbor, had decided to build a lean-to onto his shed.

country boy and lean to-2378
Country Boy works on his lean-to

He joined the conspiracy against my sleep by getting up, day after day, at the crack of dawn to hammer 4 nails before retiring to his kitchen for a cup of coffee. I’m assuming this because why in the world would you hammer 4 nails and quit? By the time I was up and moving, his coffee break was over. He took another break around noon during which he apparently plotted the snatching of an afternoon nap from my agenda.

I’m hoping June will be a better month for my beauty sleep. I need all the help I can get.

20 thoughts on “CONSPIRACY AGAINST SLEEP”

  1. There is a conspiracy, I think. Sometimes I am tempted with revenge. Dogs barking — one all day, one all night. Leaf blowers (good grief how much longer will that take?), car alarms (do you not HEAR that??), kitten pounces, mosquito bites that only itch at night… You article made me laugh.

    1. I forgot about the barking dogs and my annoying cat who wants me to get up in the wee hours and feed him! He even bites my hair when I don’t get the message. Glad you got a chuckle. All of my “Tickle Your Funny Bone” posts (see a tab at the top of the blog) are meant for humorous enjoyment.

  2. The conspiracy theory is quite accurate. All of these things happen to me, as well. Thus, the wild hair that my husband continually asks if I’ve brushed, the dark circles around my eyes that no amount of Cover Girl will cover, and the kind of “I did what?” look I have on my face most of the time. Beauty comes from within!!!
    BB

  3. Sleep?? I’ve lived thru the kids, the husband who got up at 4:30am to go fishing or hunting, neighbor’s lawn mower, motorcycles and for 5 years a neighbor’s kids who played basketball outside my bedroom window. I wasn’t sure they’d have the chance to grow up!
    I go to the farm for a few days where it is so peaceful and calm, nothing stirring till 5:30a, a rooster announces day break and I almost clear the bed! On an adjoining farm their guineas start up a fuss that is most annoying.
    You’d think I’d had enough and learned to covet quiet but no. Without thinking it thru, I got a little Shih Tzu 9lb ball of energy dog. Actually I even gave the rescue people good hard earned money for her to disrupt my sleep. Yesterday 6:30 am, nudge, nudge, sniff. I grumpily said “Lay down”! She plopped down and gave a deep sigh. Almost back to sleep and I felt this breathing on my face and a constant squeek, squeek, squeek, squeek. She is standing over me with her new toy in her mouth chewing away and looking at me with those big black eyes. Couldn’t help but to burst out laughing and wondering where my mind was when I thought I needed a dog.

  4. You were smelling my soap which puts you in a trance…after that, you can’t focus. As luck would have it, I smell these soaps all the time…Trance City!!!
    BB

  5. HI Linda, funny post, funny about the timing. I’m really tired, could do with match sticks to keep my eyes open, but I wanna catch up on my friends’ blogs. I can sleep in tomorrow – in theory, but the conspiracy thing will happen, and I’ll be here again tomorrow needing match sticks …

  6. OMG did this one make me laugh hard. I can say that I understand, especially with Farmpest’s dog and his squeaker. I paid the best $20.00 of my life on a rescue rotti and he gets me up every morning around 3:00 a.m. to let him outside to sniff the air. He only wants to be outside for about 4 minutes so I stand with my head leaning against the glass doors so I can let him in without him barking and waking my neighbors even though he’ll only give one small bark under my window the first time. Beauty sleep always seems to pass me by.

    1. Evie – Wasn’t that the dog you HAD to buy because you dropped him on his head? My cat periodically needs to sniff the air, too. You lookin’ good for someone whose beauty sleep gets passed by all the time cuz you burnin’ the candle at both ends.

      1. Yep, that’s the one. He was the best deal I ever received even though I was sure he was brain dead. And yes I am burning. Full time work w/over time, 3 classes a semester for school and all those clubs and things I’m in are going to be the death of me but I will die with a smile on my face because I just love being around others even if some of them orbit the crooked moon.

    1. Marla – Thank you so much for that groan. It was much appreciated. Country Boy is still at it. Yesterday, he was hammering between rain showers. I’m giving him credit, though, for sticking with it without any help. Even his wife isn’t out there helping him.

  7. Maybe Poppie decided to do his morning exercises in the shower. This is not unreasonable, because stiff joints respond better under warm water. As for beauty sleep, I have given up, as is well evidenced whenever I look in the mirror.

    1. Deb – This is a possibility. As for the mirror, I like my mirror. I don’t look so bad in it. When I was in Atlanta visiting my sister, I looked terribly old in the rear view mirror of her husband’s car.

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