Post last updated: October 28th, 2018

I’m telling you, I can’t get any respect from my relatives. Just the other day, Poppie told me something I wanted to do — that would benefit him financially — was crazy. He was most emphatic about it, too. CRAZY! You would think I orbit a moon that hangs slightly crooked and therefore suffer from a warped view of life.

When I indirectly suggest to him that some of my friends orbit the same moon by casually mentioning some oddball thing they plan to do, their plans don’t even garner a raised eyebrow.

For instance, just this week, I found myself leaning toward my computer monitor with mouth gaping wide open. Surely I had read it wrong. So I read my friend’s e-mail again. Yes, yes, that’s what she wrote.

Lam, who you will remember from Chickens, was responding to my email about BIG chicken news in the Sunday newspaper. The City Council had approved backyard chickens. A whopping 300 residents could become chicken holders. All this time, Lam and no telling how many other residents, were skirting the chicken coop laws.

Having already read the big news on Facebook, Lam went on to chat about her chickens congregating in the yard outside whatever room she occupied in the house.  Then she dropped the bomb that had me gawking. “They don’t know it yet but are about to start leash training….”

Leash training a chicken? I immediately pictured her walking down the sidewalk with a leash attached to tiny collars on their skinny little chicken necks. My first thought, of course, was “where will she find collars that small?” My second thought involved the Guinness Book of World Records.

I considered this at least equal to anything I had ever done in the Crooked Moon Department except, perhaps, attending the wrong funeral. Lam’s reason also had less going for it than the financial wisdom of my project that Poppie had deemed crazy. She wanted to leash train her chickens “just because I think it would be neato.” I considered the possibility that HER crooked moon was surrounded by glow-in-the-dark glitter-infused stars.

I took this wild plan of hers to Poppie and casually asked him just where she was going to find teeny tiny chicken collars. He said she would have to get a harness. I couldn’t imagine her chickens being agreeable to any plan involving a harness but, more importantly, Poppie didn’t raise a single eyebrow at Lam’s plan. Not fair!

Lam had already completed a chicken trade in the Wal-Mart parking lot so I knew she had this all figured out. Besides, her chickens really liked her. A lot. After dinner and Wheel of Fortune at Poppie’s, I emailed her with my questions.

It seems she was planning to use a soft strip of cloth as a start, “looped in front of the legs and behind the wings. They are underfoot all the time so it shouldn’t be so different than usual.”

It turns out the chickens viewed the leash as waaaaaay too different. Lam’s update email said they looked like blue marlins on a fishing line and royally scolded her for such audacious treatment. Undaunted, Lam theorized that “every dog I leash trained took a while, too, so no surprise there.”

Lam's chickens
Lam’s chickens — Spacy Lacy Greedyguts and Princess Penny Stinkypoops
Photo credit: Lam

However, she was surprised the next day when she walked out into the yard with the leash and both chickens bolted the minute they saw her. Ain’t that something? She treats them like people and then wonders why they can’t be tricked.

Her third training session involves putting the leash or harness in an enclosed area with lots of food to distract them then standing back to let them figure it out without associating HER with the harness.

I’m tellin’ ya, I really should get a little more respect.

34 thoughts on “CHICKEN ON A LEASH”

    1. Are you kidding me? Some of the worst abuse I get is from friends. I must have a neon sign on my forehead that says “Abuse me. I can take it.” Look at all the abuse John heaps on me. Ha! I left a half hour before ya’ll got there Thursday and he missed out.

    1. Nothing could beat this, Pat? You just stick around girl. I orbit the crooked moon and I pull more crooked moon people into my orbit. Lam is going to be good for future material, I think. She is drawn to the unusual in the plant world and she’ll probably drag something home that swallows her house.

  1. Ah lawd, I was laffin’ out loud. Love the crooked moon theory, you can get lots of mileage outta that Jones. Do keep us posted on Lam and her kiddos’ progress. Great way to start my Sunday morn!

    1. Duncan — She hasn’t send me an update on the leash training. I did get her permission to poke a little fun at her. Don’t want to upset any of my friends… Forgot to ask about the photo, tho. Just stole it offa one of her Facebook postings. I gave her photo credit. Does that count?

  2. I had a lol moment too! One of our festival friends has a pet chicken named Scratch. She carries her around and crates her when she doesn’t want her wandering around. This last time, they also brought their cat and had it on a harness and the cat and Scratch hung out together. There is a website called and you can find chicken diapers and other chicken-related paraphernalia.

    1. Scratch the chicken and the cat hang out with each other? You better look out Lynn. You’re orbiting the crooked moon. Next thing you’ll be telling me is that your friend’s giving the chicken banjo lessons. Just got the update on Lam’s leash training. It seems the training is on hold because Spacy Lacy became too wary and hard to catch. Trust must be restored. Also got the chicken’s names which I added to their photo only I don’t know which is which.

      1. ooo a cat and a chicken hangin’ out together? My crooked moon just got a leetle more crooked, I think BobtheCat should have a chicken pal! I’d also like to think I’d have names as clever as Lam’s cockadoodledoos! Too funny.

        1. Duncan – Considering that you’ve got your own crooked moon out thar in them mountains, our imaginations can only cringe at the thought of the names you’d give your poor chickens. Can I tell Lam that you want her as your next door neighbor? Just so the zipcode will have two loonies to gawk at?

  3. What a HOOT!!! I want chickens, but can’t have them because of deed restrictions. I’m not sure what I would name my chickens, but they would be cute and have a fancy coop…
    Oh, I respect you. I respect you alot. 🙂
    Love the crooked moon…

  4. This could be worked up into a great comedy routine. And I used to get strange looks from my relatives when I suggested I buy a child leash for my two year old! I never did that, but I still think it was a good idea. But a leash on a chicken is about as likely to work as a leash on a hummingbird.

      1. Oh in this case I was not only shaking my head at you, but also at your chicken friend. There seems to be a whole lot of you baying at that Crooked Moon.

          1. What? You mean you don’t bay at the moon on a regular basis? Oh forgive my mistake. I must have mistaken you for one of the other Crazy Relatives.

      2. I am sure there are other crazy relatives, but you seem to be the one we are always parading on the porch.:)

    1. I’m afraid Miss Priss, I would fit in the ‘baying at the crooked moon’ society because not only do I want to meet Lam the chicken friend neighbor, I AM that neighbor in my zip code. No, no I don’t have chickens (but would) and I’m not sure I’d put them on a leash though that does sound like fun! I just have a Tin Man (6′ tall), who resides in my yard and changes with the seasons (or my whim), and is usually the talk of the ‘hood’. There are many other oddities in my crooked moon world and frankly all worthy of a tea towel!
      Miz Chairman, correct errors please and; thx lymi!

      1. Miss Priss – the Tin Man is only a portion of Duncan’s oddities. She had a new wood floor put in last year and best I can recall, she ran out of money when it came to baseboards so she just lined up her rock collection along the walls. We “met” at a time when we both had our own countries complete with postage stamps but that’s at least 13 years ago, and my memory being what it is, I really can’t give you an entire dossier on her oddities.

      2. Oh Lawd, I’ve not got enough time left on this planet to list my oddities! That flooring mess was a result of my running out of patience on the construction zone in my home (issues with subfloors) which translates to that job lasting a month longer than anticipated. At that juncture, I didn’t see the baseboard installation as a healthy move for my sanity and since I have a lovely rock collection in the perfect size for baseboard, it was a no brainer for a Crooked Moon mind! By the way my country was/is The Land of Habba and the debut of Her Bobness is within sight (which may very well be the fault of Jones for opening this can o’ worms!) I see several tea towels in my future.

        1. You gonna put a crooked moon behind Her Bobness on your postage stamp? Go ahead, blame it all on me when you are just as wacky. Good thing Ms. Priss doesn’t know you cuz she would be all over you with a beach towel instead of a tea towel. Have you ever had a repairman in your house since you installed the rock baseboard? You’ve just GOT to wonder what they think when they enter artist’s houses.

  5. That moon is not crooked, it is covered in feathers. I like crazy people, they make me seem normal. Now I’m thinking there could be money made in sewing up a few of them there chicken collars and harnesses. Maybe a chicken crown or two. What about coats, or shoes? Wow I could think of a million chicken accessories… we could be on to something here.

    1. Ms. Coral Cottage – Maybe the Virginia moon is covered in feathers but MY moon is crooked. I consider crazy people FUN. I much prefer my people to be crazy. I hang around normal people, too, but I have no idea what they think of me. Don’t much care, to tell you the truth. I’m thinking those chickens are going to need an over-the-shoulder bag when they go out strolling. Be sure to read Moondancer’s comment. If there’s a chicken show on the radio there must be money in chickens…

  6. I met you at the herb festival last month and this is the first time I’ve had a chance to read your blog. What a funny one! Lam sounds like a hoot. I love the names of her chickens – who thinks up names like that — so funny. I’m trying to train 2 parakeets and having a rough time – can’t imagine training a chicken to walk on a leash. Have you listened to the “Chicken Show” on bbsradio? It’s full of interesting info and the intro song makes me laugh every time I hear it! Enjoyed your references to the moon — I’ll be out tonight for a moon and star dance!

    1. Yes, Moondancer, I remember you. It seems, however, that I misspelled your name in one of my Cunningham photos. I’ll have to go fix that. Lam IS a hoot but she started out so normal… What are you trying to get those parakeets to do, exactly? What is bbsradio? I need to tell Lam about this chicken show.

      1. Ha Ha – I’m not going to put a leash on those little parakeets – that’s for sure! I’m really just trying to get them to sit on my finger and shoulder. They are going to be a Christmas present for my niece. The “Chicken Show” can be found on — they have lots of different shows. I think both you and Lam will love the Chicken Show — it has the cutest intro song!

        1. Moondancer – I was trying to get today’s blog post up and the cat got up on the keyboard. I was in no mood so I put him down on the floor. Next thing I knew, he had crawled up my back and sat on my shoulder. I promise, I did not train him to sit on my shoulder. He’s been needy all day, sigh. Thanks for the link to the Chicken Show.

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