Post last updated: October 10th, 2018
When my sister, Ms. Priss, invited me to Atlanta to see the Atlanta Botanical Gardens, she was horrified to learn of my desire to go rock hunting while there. I guess she thought I would want to do something cultural like the High Museum. What can I say? I need a decent rock collection more than an infusion of high brow art.
I must admit to oohing and ahhing over these very large rocks in her front yard…
The first thing Priss did Saturday morning was hand me a shovel. “You can have any rock in my back yard that you can dig up. We can’t dig a hole to plant a bush without hitting rock.” Can you imagine? Those of us with rock envy would like to imagine a scenario where it was not necessary to BUY rocks for the landscape. And, of course, the weather turned chilly just after Poppie and I arrived. So I was out there in a pair of denim shorts and a light jacket pointing a shovel at some rocks while my evil sister took photos of my pasty white legs.
Digging up a rock was no problem. There were plenty at ground level. I got a small one right away but wanted something bigger. I knew exactly where I wanted it to go in Poppie’s front yard. The first one I tried to dig up was too big and too square. I tried again. My second digging expedition revealed the perfect rock. Unfortunately, I was unable to help Priss get it up the hill to the front yard because of my back injuries. She and her husband then had to schlep it up the hill for me and get it in the back of Poppie’s truck. It probably weighed a hundred pounds but it felt like four hundred. Very heavy.
My rock hunting in Priss’ back yard prompted her to pull out a printed dish towel she had purchased a while back just because it reminded her of me: “Here in the South we don’t hide CRAZY. We parade it on the porch and give it a cocktail.” Just because she has more rocks than me, I’ve lost my marbles. The abuse!
On returning home late Monday, Poppie also found the big rock to be Very Heavy and used a hoe to pull it out of his truck right where I wanted it to go. As the rock tumbled from the back of the pick-up, the thud was probably heard throughout the neighborhood.
Wednesday, I dug a hole and submerged a third of the rock to make it too difficult for someone else with rock envy to remove it from my yard under cover of darkness. I placed the first rock I dug up in Priss’ yard slightly in front of it. Well, let me just show you.
Update August 14, 2017: I found that I am not the only gardener with rock envy: