LIZARDS

Post last updated: October 11th, 2018

My sister lived in a suburb outside New York City for many years. She swore they did not have lizards but I’ve never believed it. I suspect it’s one of those little white lies she enjoys holding over my head because, when we were kids, me and my brother chased her around with a roach in a match box. She has an unnatural fear of roaches.

A lot of people won’t garden because of critters. I’m not particularly scared of critters but they do raise my ick factor when they get in the house or show up in the unlikeliest places. For instance, on trash day when I open the lid on my trash can to deposit my trash bag, I sometimes come face to face with green frogs. What’s with that? Why do they choose to hang out in a hot, plastic trash can? Just the other day, they caused me to holler “Get out!” at the top of my lungs.  Instantly, I realized I was the only one who could see the frogs and it looked like I was hollering at my trash can. Nobody in their right mind hollers at the trash can and I’m already on the suspect list for not being in my right mind. I looked around in embarrassment to see if any of the neighbors were watching but the coast was clear.

Anyway, I digress. There is one critter that gives me the willies. A snake. I have been known to send a few to their just rewards with whatever long-handled garden tool was handy. Snakes, therefore, cause me to have problems with all these lizards.

The lizards see me coming and skitter across the leaf mulch at a speed guaranteed to be the envy of race car drivers. They make so much noise clattering over the tops of those dried, brown leaves it raises the hair on my neck to Full Alert. I can’t help myself. I just can’t. Even though I know in my gut it’s only a lizard, my head swivels around and my eyebrows jump to accommodate eyeballs you would see in a horror movie just as the victim realizes she’s about to be hacked to death. It’s like this. All that speed the lizards use to escape ME creates a racket belonging to a much larger critter. Like a snake. So I have to look. We have so many lizards and so much movement it’s a wonder my eyes aren’t stuck in permanent Horror Mode.

We have more weirdo lizards than those plain old green lizards, too.  Some of them are solid black with polka dots which strikes me as plum unnatural. Some have fins, and by golly, that’s all it takes for me to holler “Ewwwwwwww” before I even realize a sound came out of my mouth. Here are two shots of the same lizard with fins that refused to stand still long enough for me to get a sharp photograph.

lizard hump back 1-1582

lizard hump back 2-1584

By the way, that sensation of your neck hairs standing on end is known as ‘goose-flesh.’ The condition of goose-flesh is known as horripilation.

29 thoughts on “LIZARDS”

  1. There is always going to be the occasional toad, lizard, green frog, snake, armadillo — it’s just part of rural life. I bought a book on snakes just so I could know what I was seeing.

    One day I heard a loud plop — it was a rat snake falling out of a big oak tree with a squirrel in his mouth. Interesting to see one of those annoying little rodents get his.

    1. Nell – I’ve heard about snakes in trees but I try not to think about it because we have a lot of trees. I have seen them in the bushes up by my house. If a snake plopped out of a tree anywhere near me, I’d probably lose it. Overall, I’m fairly calm about the critters.

  2. Believe it or not, I miss those wacky Florida lizards! Even the big, fat skink that looked like a short snake with legs.

  3. love those lizard photos – especially the first one with the glass gems coming out his butt. Good laugh this am, thanks. Although snakes are the ones I have issue with, lizards ok and I would love to capture them with camera. Our place in SW FL has brown lizards with orange below the throat not sure what that is called or the species, but my cat loves to chase them, snap off the tail and then eat them. Unfortunately afterwards he barfs all over the place.

    1. Kim – I’m all for making you guys laugh. We have a lot of lizards with stubby tails and three cats on the property. My Cat, Whiskey, thinks he’s a wild animal and is always in pursuit of something including my other poor cat, Big Foot. No doubt, Whiskey has mangled the stubby tailed lizards. I’m behind on my blog reading because I’m working for two weeks. I posted the lizard story by propping my eyelids with toothpicks. Hope to get caught up this weekend. The paycheck is much needed. Right after you sailed through the cancer scare, I was diagnosed with squamous cell carcinoma and it’s gonna take some big bucks to handle that. And me living in Poverty, USA.

      1. Good grief, I’m going to have to look that one up and get back to you. With Mr. Cottage and I both being self employed our insurance deductibles are each $2500 – and insurance still doesn’t pay much. My medical bills are rolling in daily.
        Many hugs and well wishes being sent your way.

        1. Kim – It’s skin cancer, stage 2. I wonder if we are going to get saddled with more of the expense when we go to the “new” healthcare in 2014. Personally, I think doctors charge too much. I know they went to school longer than the rest of us but…

          1. I missed this message. Our insurance cost us more than our mortgage payment, and it doesn’t cover squat – just sayin’ I saw the message about getting the cost down. How in the world did you get a doctor to agree to charge less? I never heard of such. Anyway, hope you are doing okay. Keeping you in my thoughts.

          2. Kim – This is what I fear is going to happen with the “new” healthcare. High deductibles and no improvement in our ability to seek healthcare. There are a LOT of us pre-geezers who got laid off during the meltdown and haven’t been able to go back to work. This is the second doctor who has cut me some slack because I’m self-pay. If he hadn’t been able/willing, I would have had to make the decision to let the skin cancer become melanoma and check out earlier as a result. I just didn’t have that kind of money.

  4. I got a couple of gut laffs from this post Jones, you are one funny woman!

    Much as I hesitate to admit it to many folks, I like lizards but maybe that’s because we don’t have lizards in my zip code (thanks for the pics). Too, it’s comforting to know I’m not the only one seen hollerin’ at what seems to be an inanimate object. One eve in early spring I cleaned a bunch of flower pots which created a slugfest by morning which led me to the ewww and then to carrying on a full conversation with those slimy critters!

    1. Duncan – LOVE hearing that you got a gut laff cuz I try hard. I don’t even want to talk about the conversations I hold with inanimate objects. Like the price tags at the grocery store – “Are you kidding me? That’s not even gonna happen.”

  5. I had to laugh at your tag – hump back lizards, indeed! We had our share of lizards in NC, but they were all cute, normal lizards, thankfully. They were also much better behaved as well – either the lazy sort that would just lay in the sun, or ones that would hide under stuff. No skittering in the leaves and scaring people! Maybe you just keep scaring them with all that hollering and that’s the problem with your lizards…the poor things are probably nervous. 😉

    1. Oh my, Indie. You think maybe I’m giving my lizards nervous indigestion? Hee hee. I kinda enjoy that. As for tagging them as hump back lizards, I don’t know what else to call ’em. I make no claims to being the worldwide expert on lizards. Hand plows? That’s a diff’rent story.

  6. I recall visiting FL and being shocked at how many colorful frogs AND lizards we encountered. This was the first time I ever attempted to jump out of a moving car….when I turned and saw one attached to the backseat. (oh…I was not the one driving….I was the one with the door opened) I am with you though….not a fan of snakes! Wonderful photos!! paula

        1. Just reading your reply made me laugh again. I get this hysterical visual of you looking over your shoulder, grimacing at the lizard on the back seat as you push the car door open. Would be great for the Sunday comic section. I’ll try to wipe the grin off my face, I promise.

          1. Laughter is the best medicine, so they say….glad I could be a double dosage for you! 😉 The secret part I didn’t tell you….our son was in his in car seat in that backseat! I didn’t think twice about abandoning him! What a horrible mother!

          2. Ooooweee, you keep doing it to me! That “horrible mother” made me laugh. In that moment of lizard terror, I imagine you didn’t even THINK of your son. Doesn’t make you a horrible mother but it IS funny.

  7. First, you should not be telling the world what an awful sister you are. Second, you should be scared of snakes. Our local news did a story on one of their reporters last night, Jeff Dore who was in the hospital because he was bitten by a snake when he reached in his ivy to get the hose. Talk about an ewww moment! Third, I bet all the critters, the neighbors and even the angels are laughing out loud at you yelling at a trash can. Tisk, tisk.

    1. Ms. Priss – I should not tell the world what an awful person I am? I try to be honest, kid, and I am sorta scared of snakes. Not as bad as Mom was, though. I imagine everyone laughs out loud at me. I got my first inkling that I might be less than normal in 2006 when working for a woman who regularly said to me, “You ain’t right.”

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