Momma’s Cartoon Page

Post last updated: December 17th, 2017

Bromeliad-1342

My regular readers have probably figured out by now that I have a unique outlook on the world and quite a few things strike me as downright funny.  After Momma passed, The Grande Poobah in Ohio sent me a plant. First, you need to know that she has an oddball sense of humor funnier than mine. She couldn’t possibly have arranged what happened but it would have been like her to do so.

Poobah’s order was filled by Gladwell’s Florist, Inc. and, for whatever reason, the owner was making the delivery. When he pulled into our street, he was flummoxed because the road was completely blocked. Rather than being the normal 60 foot right-of-way, our country lane has only a 30 foot right-of-way and we pull over to give each other room as we drive the road. Needless to say, the road was impassable with half of a double wide mobile home sitting in the middle of it (a family who had been good neighbors for the last few years had fallen on hard times).

Mr. Golf Cart, who was watching the repossession from his golf cart, swung into action. He offered to ride the florist down to our house in his golf cart. So away they went, riding across the five acre pasture across every bump and ant hill. No doubt, the florist wondered if he was to be hurtled across the windowless dash as he hung on for dear life in a vehicle with no seat belts, no hanging things to grab onto, and his butt sliding all over the seat while he was trying to hold a bromeliad in his lap. For all I know, he might have been bald with little tufts of hair flying in the breeze, too. Work with me here. Try to visualize this and see if it doesn’t tickle your funny bone.

Next, the family went to see the preacher to make arrangements for Momma’s memorial. My sister wanted to see the main altar where she would be delivering her eulogy. The preacher unlocked the church doors and led us up to the altar. What lay there on the floor of the main altar was a shocker. I’m sure Jesus didn’t mind but I knew my sister’s eyes were bugging out. Momma always described my sister as an “iron fist in a velvet glove” which is very accurate.  I would add that she’s an uppity stuffed shirt. So the minute my eyes zeroed in on that kayak sitting on the floor of the altar, I kid you not, I had to clap my hand over my mouth and turn away to stifle a guffaw.

My brother thinks I have a “weird” sense of humor and I’m hoping he doesn’t see this because it will just confirm it for him. Let’s keep it a secret, okay?

24 thoughts on “Momma’s Cartoon Page”

  1. Linda you are too funny. I want to know what happened with Mr Golf Cart when he reached the end of the 5 acres. Also what was Diane comment when she saw the kayak? As Gary likes to kayak he probably laughed?

    1. Nancy – Mr. Golf Cart’s property is no longer fenced so he probably reached our fence and returned to the street. The repossessed mobile home was BETWEEN our two pieces of property (we share borders with Mr. Golf Cart). I was working and didn’t see any of it. Poppie told me about it. See my comment to Duncan about Diane. If Gary said anything, I don’t remember. In all likelihood, he chuckled or said something about being a kayaker himself. A lot of what happened in the last week and a half is surrounded in fog. Not that my memory is any more brilliant on any given day…

  2. Oh, That is funny. A kayak on the floor at the main Altar. Was any reason given for that? Was it included in the message of the sermon?

    Also the florist got quite a ride with that beautiful Bromeliad sitting on his lap. That would have been quite a sight. But very kind of Mr. Golfcart to give him a ride.
    Your Mother would have gotten quite a big smile about both happenings.

    1. Meta – Momma might have gotten a smile but I got a big guffaw over both scenarios. The Pastor was out of town at the time of Momma’s passing on Monday and wasn’t due back until Friday. He’s the one who set the memorial for Wednesday. There was also a huge motor home in the parking area. So I’m thinking the Pastor went camping and kayaking. The only thing he said in reference to the kayak was, “Don’t worry about that, it will be gone.” I am so glad I was behind my sister and couldn’t see her expression or I would have fallen out on the floor.

  3. You are weird and everyone who knows you knows that anything can happen when one is with you, thinking about you or talking to you. I’m scared every time we’re together.

  4. God’s sense of humor never ceases to amaze me either. Perhaps it is to remind us not to take ourselves too seriously as Ms. Chairman surely doesn’t, which I find refreshing. I do hope Mr. Florist was wearing his Sunday best and wondering if this didn’t beat all? Too bad you did not ask the pastor if the kayak was to be used in a baptism or perhaps the roof leaked?

    1. F’pest — Oh lawd, I shorely don’t take too much of anything very seriously although I was kinda spaced out for a week and a half after Momma upped and left us. Dad was afraid to go anywhere with me if I was driving so I certainly didn’t have the presence of mind to quip at the pastor about the roof leaking or weirdo baptisms. I somehow doubt Mr. Florist was wearing his Sunday best in the middle of the week but if Mr. Golf Cart had not been available, I wonder if Mr. Florist would have WALKED all that way to make the delivery. It’s certainly do-able, I just wonder if he would.

  5. The florist is amusing, the kayak is hilarious. I think, that sometimes when you are in a situation with such sadness and solemnity, the mind makes absurd that which is simply funny. I remember that while we were picking out my dad’s casket something in the back show room set me off. I was laughing so hard I snorted. Your sense of humor may be different, but you are perfectly fine.

    1. Angie – If I had gone into more detail on what it’s like to RIDE in a golf cart, you would have thought the florist story hilarious, too. Riding across a pasture in a golf cart is a bumpy affair. At times, you wonder if you are going to be hurtled across the “dash”. So if you think of the poor florist trying to hang on for dear life in a vehicle with no seat belts, no hanging things to grab onto, and his butt is sliding all over the seat while he’s trying to hold a bromeliad in his lap, and maybe he’s bald with little tufts of hair flying in the breeze, it becomes hilarious. BUT, I didn’t say any of that even though I “saw” it in my mind.

      1. Okay, I now have this mental image of a scene such as would be on a TV show like Green Acres or The Beverly Hillbillies, in high speed set to music. Lol

  6. I have ridden in a golf cart across a pasture (yes, I really have!), and I can imagine the florist’s horror. I can’t imagine doing it while holding on to a bromeliad! I’m afraid if it had been me delivering that, your bromeliad would have been toast – I would have needed two hands to hold on!

    I’ve never seen a kayak in a church – that must have been quite the surprise! Glad you could laugh about it. We never know how we are going to react when we’re in shock and grief. The pastor must have realized from your faces how inappropriate it must have looked! Although, I bet it would have made for some great Sunday School lessons! 🙂

    1. Thank you for backing me up, Holley! One of my rellies didn’t get the humor of the golf cart ride. Probably because she had never done it. So I had to go back and revise my post for the benefit of all those who haven’t ridden in golf carts across a pasture.

  7. I will have you know I am not uppity and the kayak did not phase me – except for having to step over it. The kayak was a visual for the pastor’s previous sermon. I would have loved to see the pitch forks that he asked Pop to make for his next sermon. Not sure if the visuals would add interest or distraction from his sermon.

    1. No kidding? I never heard the pastor say it was a visual aid. I was too busy trying not to laugh at whatever reaction you were having. By the way, you just blew your cover. I didn’t hear about the pitch forks either. I’ll have to ask Poppie about this tomorrow. I think he delivers an interesting sermon.

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