Garden Gloves

There are any number of traits I didn’t get in line for just before entering this earthly realm – brains, math skills, memory, and to hear my Momma tell it, common sense. I also didn’t get in line for the traits common to my gender – nurturing, painted fingernails and fashion. These are the traits that immediately come to mind. If I thought about it for longer than a minute, I would come up with a list long enough to seriously depress myself.

Not being a fashionista, I tend to look upon any article of clothing as a necessity to cover my nekkidness so that people aren’t passing out in the street from the horror of it all. I’ve already told you about my Shoes With Air and my general refusal to buy articles of clothing.  I’m reaching a crisis with the shoes. I figure by the end of next summer, I won’t have a single pair of canvas shoes with enough canvas and rubber to hold them together. I was willing to buy them on sale at $3 but these days they cost $8 and I can’t justify $8. There are psychological limits to spending.

Take garden gloves. Anything over fifty cents is too much. I tend to buy garden gloves at the end of the season on the clearance shelf when the price meets up with my psychological limit. There is no way I will pay full price for a thin piece of fabric sewn with thread made before WWII.  The first time you pull them on they begin to unravel.

The problem with fifty cent gloves are the thorns. The thin fabric is absolutely no match for trimming or deadheading anything with thorns.  I finally broke down and purchased a pair of cow hide gloves at one of those hardware stores where all the products are manufactured in a third world country.  I wanted soft leather gloves like Poppie wears but they had only one size.  Large.  Slid right off my hands and fell on the floor.

The cow hide gloves became the purchase of choice because they were available in Size Medium. I don’t know where they got the cow but I suspect the cow drew its last breath before the Spanish American War. Did I mention they are STIFF? You put these things on and your hands stick straight out from your body with all five fingers splayed out. Don’t believe me? Take a look at this:

I briefly thought about throwing them in the washing machine with some fabric softener but since that cow was so old, there was the distinct possibility that the gloves would shrivel up to nothingness. The clincher against washing them was not finding washing instructions inside the gloves.

I don’t remember exactly, but I think I paid five dollars for them. The fact that I can’t bend my fingers is inconsequential, I suppose, considering the likelihood they’ll last forever with such an advanced case of rigor mortis.  Holding a pair of clippers, though, is a challenge.

16 thoughts on “Garden Gloves”

  1. Oh, my! I don’t know how you garden in those – or the thin material gloves, either. I pay $10 for my gloves, size 7 (hand size is same as your shoe size), and they are goat skin. I love them. Soft enough to wrap my fingers around a tiny weed, but still thick enough to protect me from thorns. Some people like the newer nitrile gloves. Try several pair on, and see which ones you like best. But just get some good gardening gloves! You will never go back!

  2. Well at least you are matching. You didn’t tell me you had those gloves hiding about. I would have given you the grief you gave me about my gloves with the rubber fingers. At least mine don’t stick out making me look like a scarecrow.

  3. I love the nitrile gloves available now. They come in all sorts of cute colors I am sure you will appreciate. They cost about $6, but I have bought them on sale for about half of that. When I am trimming roses I use long loppers and wear long sleeves. I try to be careful but usually end up with a prick or two. The only time I use those cowhide type gloves is when I am working with rocks.

  4. Oh, my……dear Mz Southern Rural Route Ruler, you is what you is and that must be why we love ya.
    Since you only spent $5 on the gloves, you can surely spend another dollar to soften them up. Go to the Dollar Tree store and buy a can of lanolin based shaving cream. Start with little dollops and rub into the gloves all over the outside. After 24 hours, wipe them down with a dry cloth. If not soft enough, go thru the process again. May you give thanks for your ability to garden.

  5. Oh my, that list sounds rather like mine! (Except for the math skills – I was a math teacher.) But the phrase ‘Use some common sense, girl!’ was one I heard quite often from my father growing up.

    I buy really cheap gloves as well – but I grow exactly 3 plants that have thorns so I don’t really need the thick gloves. (It was 5, but voles ate two of my roses.) I always wonder why stores don’t seem to sell smaller gloves, though. I have very small hands, but our stores never sell anything smaller than a medium!

  6. I like the garden gloves that are fabric on the top and some kind of rubber (maybe it’s the nitrile your other reader spoke of) on the palm side. The rubber provides good protection from the thorns, but flexibility so you can work. I seem to remember that they come in colors too, which would at least allow you to “pretend” you are a fashionista. After all, you gots to look good for your critters.

    1. Ms. Priss — You are too funny. Since when do I need to look good for the critters? Other than the stray gray cat who follows me around like a dog, none of the other critters seem to know I’m out there. Except when they land on me and I commence to screaming and beating them off. Still, even in that intimate encounter, I don’t think they care what I’m wearing.

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