Post last updated: December 17th, 2017
Around 5:30 p.m., I realized I needed to get my garbage can to the street for pick-up the following day.
Not one to wear more clothes than necessary in Florida’s heat, even with air-conditioning, I rooted around for a pair of shorts. I found a pair that had seen better days. The shorts were faded and covered in white splotches from too much familiarity with bleach, a sizable hole near the crotch provided fresh air to the right leg, the hems were frayed, and the waistband stretched-out and so worn the elastic was showing. Not to mention they were two sizes too big. What can I say? I don’t like to shop or spend money. Clothes least of all.
“This will do for five minutes,” I said to myself.
I headed to the back yard to retrieve the trash can and, on the way, noticed some very large beans on the bush beans. I stopped to pick them and having nothing in hand to carry them in, I shoved them in my pockets. Both pockets. Then I noticed three Sweet Gold cherry tomatoes and a nice, red two inch plum tomato. These were also added to the pockets.
By the time I got to the front gate, approximately 300 feet from my front door, I became way cool had I been a young teenager. The pocket weight combined with the saggy elastic had caused the shorts to slip to half-mast, or plumber’s butt, or whatever you call that fashion statement that results in half your underwear hanging out.
I need to go shopping, without a doubt, but there’s always something more exciting to do.