It’s A Jungle Out There

Post last updated: August 13th, 2018

I postponed it as long as I could. Snake sightings will do that to you.  The pole beans had to be picked and while I left a generous 28-inch “people path” between the first vertical pole row and the row with the double vertical poles, this is what happened: the butter beans climbed over to the pole beans and vice versa. It was a canopied jungle with a few watermelon vines in the people path to make use of all the square footage. I knew the watermelon vines would present a challenge as summer bore down on me but I had no idea the beans were going to visit each other like that.

Tell me truly. Would you have wanted to walk into this jungle? I waited until the sun came out good and strong then summoned all my courage to walk in there.

Jungle of Beans

Exultant that I had survived the bean jungle, I walked down to Momma and Poppie’s to offer up my harvest because Momma loved pole beans.

Jungle Harvest

The first words outta Poppie’s mouth were not “Oh, what nice beans you have there.” Nosiree. The burning question in his mind was “Didja fergit to comb yer hair?”

Granted, sleeping on my hair all night had mashed one side flat. Plus, I had intentionally not combed it when I went out to the garden because it would have looked worse had I combed it. After finishing my yard work the day before, I had showered and allowed my hair to air dry. I happen to have a lot of natural curl. If I comb that natural curl after it dries, the hair stands on end, okay?

I dumped the beans on Momma’s kitchen counter and took my offensive hair home for a bath. In the shower, I started to shampoo my hair and felt something. I commenced screaming and slapping at it. I just knew it was something that was going to leave a gaping hole in the middle of my shower curtain as I plunged through it, like a cartoon character, trying to escape a wild animal.

Worse yet, when I finally slung it across the tub, I could see it was small and green, unlikely to take a chomp out of me. Still, a small green worm can cause me to do great harm to myself. Unable to make out what it was without my eyeglasses, I fled the tub in search of the glasses. Returning for inspection, the green thing proved to be a half inch baby pole bean.

Maybe I should start showering with my eyeglasses within reach before my blood-curdling screams draw all the neighbors, huh?

Update: For info on building butter bean or pole bean supports, see Garden Tip: Growing Vertical.

14 thoughts on “It’s A Jungle Out There”

  1. I had to laugh Linda, though it was not funny to you at the time.
    Do you get a lot of snakes where you are? I had one in my house last month and was not happy about it. It was a long black harmless snake, but still….. don’t come visiting me in my house.

    1. Meta – I’m not as fearful of snakes as some folks but a snake sighting will give me the heebie jeebies for days. If I found one in my house, they’d probably carry me out on a stretcher.

  2. When I first read your post the pictures did not show….Now they do.
    Nice looking crop of beans and luscious full looking trellis.

    1. Meta – I changed the way the email subscribers receive the posts. Before, you were getting the complete post. Now, it requires you to go to the blog and get counted for my stats. I’ve got to feel like I’ve got some readership because this is a LOT of work. When I see that only 10 people came in a day, it’s discouraging.

  3. OMG!!! You are about to get me fired. I started reading and the next thing I know I’m laughing out loud and now I have tears running down my legs. Thanks alot Empress of the Morons. Now I have to go to the ladies room and mop up. Only you would nearly kill yourself while being attacked by a baby bean. You are too funny but I love your writing.

  4. You are very brave. If I have to go into a snaky place, I take a long pole and jab all around just in case before I enter. However, on Saturday when I was pruning an overgrown boxwood as tall as me, when I cut out the top there was a rat snake curled up and lounging among the limbs that sort of formed a nest. He never moved. Fortunately I could see the end of his skinny tail and be sure that it didn’t have rattles. I left. When He-who-mows came back with me later, there was no sign of the snake. I prefer snakes to rats, I hope he gets them all, including the ones with furry tails, which is another story.

    As for hair, I wear a folded bandana tied over my ears because of the gnats. It keeps my hair mashed down into place so it looks fairly neat — if a bit flat — when the gnat hat comes off.

    1. Nell Jean — Speaking of snakes in the boxwood, I’ve got a black racer that often lives in the bush under my living room window. Not too long ago, I went to retrieve the hose from under the azalea near this bush and I heard all this rustling. I thought it was a bird until I went back a few minutes later and the snake was curled up under the azalea. I’m not nearly as freaked out by a black racer as I am when I see the rat snakes you mentioned. They LOOK poisonous whether they are or not.
      Might have to go for the bandana or a hat of some sort when I go into bean jungle so I don’t have anymore hijinks in the shower.

  5. You are WAY too funny. Next time, maybe you send out an alert for killer beans prior to your picking.

    1. The beans ain’t killers, it’s the BUGS. OMG, do you know what happened today in that bean jungle? I went out there to pick cuz you gotta do it every few days. I picked the usual amount and dumped them on the kitchen counter next to the sink. There were enough to split them up between a couple of families which is what I decided to do because I didn’t feel like freezing them. Some to Momma and Poppie, some to my brother, some to me. As I was grabbing handfuls and shoving them in Wal-Mart bags, I noticed a GREEN WORM half in one bean and half out. I almost died on the spot. Immediately, I started slapping at my hair and hoping I didn’t have worms in my hair. It was an awful moment.

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