Land Snakes Alive!

Post last updated: December 17th, 2017

I took Momma grocery shopping yesterday and she tried to buy a package of beans that should have been thrown out to the hogs the day before. I promised to pick her some of mine. That evening about 5:30, I was marching a bag of snap beans from the garden up to Momma’s house. I stopped to pet my cat, Big Foot, at the edge of the wildflower bed then continued to Momma’s.

My cat, Big Foot (notice the big paw with thumb)

Lo and behold, a few feet from Big Foot, lying just inside the wildflower bed, was a four foot long black snake. I don’t know about you but a snake is a snake. I hollered at Big Foot, “Git ‘im, kitty, git ‘im.”  The cat acted like he was deaf.

Giving the snake a wide berth, I got past him, stopped, took off one of my Shoes With Air, and threw it at him. The snake ambled out into the grass where Big Foot got up to look at him. Once again I chorused, “Git ‘im, kitty, git ‘im.”  Big Foot gave him a half-hearted pounce which sent the snake slithering across to the flower beds directly in front of my house and the cat lost interest in continuing the chase.

This caused a great deal of self-doubt. I questioned my January decision to take on the feeding of this flea-bitten, sway- backed, useless, pointless and worthless mongrel of a cat just because he had thumbs. What was I thinking? He and my father’s cat, Mimi-Hobo (his name depends on who’s calling him), tag team me at least three times a day for food yet they won’t even keep the plantation snake-free. There ought to be an unemployment office for cats ‘cause I’d pink slip ever last one of ‘em.

Dad’s cat, Mimi-Hobo

From the beginning, I’ve had the heebie jeebies about picking those snap beans because they flop all over the row and I can’t see where I’m putting my feet. Snakes always came to mind. Now I’m afraid to work in my flower beds. Do snakes have ears? I mean, I’m wondering if I should take a juke box outside when I work in the yard. What kind of music would keep snakes at bay? Boogie Woogie? Hip Hop? Or should I anesthetize them with classical music like Chopin, Mozart, those guys?

Your assistance, please.

8 thoughts on “Land Snakes Alive!”

  1. Hilarious. I think gangsta rap would do it. I know every time my nephews and nieces put it on I about die. And let me just get this right, you threw your air conditioned shoe at the snake? What the devil, did he look hot? Why didn’t you just run fool. I would have beat you to Mr. Golf Cart’s house at the end of the road. I’m just shaking my head.

    1. Evie – I was thinking gangsta rap would do it, too, because if the snake doesn’t have ears then he could feel the boom-thumpity-boom-boom and take off for other parts of the yard. No, the snake did not look hot, and the fact that my shoes were air-conditioned was not, at that moment, of any consequence. The shoe was merely a weapon. And I ain’t runnin’ from trouble — I’m standing my ground, defending my plantation. Wouldn’t do any good to run from trouble. I got a bull’s eye on my posterior side, remember? I always knew you wouldn’t stick around when I got in enough trouble for the whites of yo’ eyes to be the dominant color. 🙂

  2. Oh, I hate snakes! I try to make a lot of noise so I won’t see one. But of course, when I do – that’s when I make a LOT of noise (screaming, of course!). I don’t think cats really care much about going after snakes. But they will keep your garden free of mice and voles. So, he’s worth the food you give him. Besides, he looks like a sweetie pie. 🙂

    1. Hey Holley! That cat doesn’t have a sweet bone in his body. I’m always afraid he’s going to bite me because he’s always in a bad mood. The only time he’s nice is when he’s sucking up for food. He’s not even loyal! He goes up to Poppie’s house to meow for food, too.

  3. Might I suggest a more substantial weapon than a shoe – perhaps that pick axe you restored some time ago. As you can see, the shoe does little more than make the snake change locations and next time the location might be in your direction.

    1. Ms. Priss – It was a black snake or black racer, non-poisonous. The worst that could happen with the shoe fobbing is that he might decide to chase me. Only then would I get the axe after him. I subscribe to the belief that snakes have some sort of useful purpose in God’s Kingdom. It’s you and Momma and Evie that get freaked out about snake sightings. Well, I sorta got freaked out. I chose to stay out of the garden today but I’ll be over it by tomorrow.

  4. Does that kitty have extra toes? I have a black and white kitty with extra toes but from the sound of it, mine is much sweeter!

    1. Dena – I don’t think Big Foot has any extra toes but he’s got huge thumbs on his front paws, weirdly placed thumbs on hind feet. He’s a stray, mostly feral, and those toes were his saving grace. I went to the store in late January, got a bag of dry cat food and started feeding him. I am allowed to pet him for 15 seconds but not allowed to ever pick him up. He’s a Tom who needs to be fixed but I can’t imagine trying to get him in a cat carrier. He hangs out with my Dad’s cat and even though they look alike, I can tell them apart from 80 feet or more because of those big feet. I have no idea how long he was on the property before I realized he was NOT Dad’s cat. I’d see him in the bushes and call out to him, thinking he was Mimi, but he wouldn’t come. Always thought that was odd of Mimi. Now I realize he wasn’t Mimi.

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