My good friend Evie has been telling me for the last ten years or so, “You are so stoooopit!” She reminds me of this only slightly less often than she calls me “fool.” Having completely convinced me I don’t have the sense to get out of an elevator by myself, I decided to stay home yesterday because it was Friday the 13th. It seemed the wise course of action to keep myself out of trouble. I couldn’t have been more wrong.
Things went okay until 10:30 that night when I was about to congratulate myself for escaping harm. It dawned on me that it had been cold all day and I should probably check Live Doppler Weather. I turned the television on, clicked over to Live Doppler and this is when things started to go south.
According to Live Doppler, it was going down to 28 in my neck o’ the woods so I ran outside with my gray knit cap crammed on my head (you don’t really expect me to admit I was already wearing it, do you?) and proceeded to protect my prized cabbages (prized because they are the first I’ve ever grown). Mind you, the only light I have on the garden is the 40 watt glow from the front and back porch lights which happen to face east and west while the garden faces north and south. We don’t have much in the way of street lights in a rural neighborhood.
A few bed sheets were already lying out in the yard from the last freeze and I picked each of them up by the corner and shook it real hard in case a snake was underneath. Remind me to tell you about the snake in the rocking chair.
I got two of the sheets over the cabbage before something went wrong with my footing and I heard this awful crunching sound as one of my cabbage gave way under the assault. Mortified, I yanked my foot off the poor cabbage and completely lost my balance. I went careening and flailing over the row of cabbage in a manner that probably terrified the wild life watching from the woods. Finally, I cleared the garden rows and fell face first in the dirt. I went down with a thud that could have been heard in Georgia. I lost one of my air-conditioned shoes somewhere among the cabbage, my glasses fell off, but despite it being Friday the 13th, I didn’t break any bones. Immediately, however, I thought of that possibility. Can you imagine me lying out there all night in freezing 28 degree weather hollering “Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.” Mom and Dad wouldn’t have heard me because they are too far away and Country Boy, my neighbor with the barking dogs, happens to be hard of hearing and unwilling to spring for hearing aids. I would have been a popsicle by morning.