Cold Weather Woes

My good friend Evie has been telling me for the last ten years or so, “You are so stoooopit!” She reminds me of this only slightly less often than she calls me “fool.” Having completely convinced me I don’t have the sense to get out of an elevator by myself, I decided to stay home yesterday because it was Friday the 13th. It seemed the wise course of action to keep myself out of trouble. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

Things went okay until 10:30 that night when I was about to congratulate myself for escaping harm. It dawned on me that it had been cold all day and I should probably check Live Doppler Weather. I turned the television on, clicked over to Live Doppler and this is when things started to go south.

According to Live Doppler, it was going down to 28 in my neck o’ the woods so I ran outside with my gray knit cap crammed on my head (you don’t really expect me to admit I was already wearing it, do you?) and proceeded to protect my prized cabbages (prized because they are the first I’ve ever grown). Mind you, the only light I have on the garden is the 40 watt glow from the front and back porch lights which happen to face east and west while the garden faces north and south. We don’t have much in the way of street lights in a rural neighborhood.

A few bed sheets were already lying out in the yard from the last freeze and I picked each of them up by the corner and shook it real hard in case a snake was underneath. Remind me to tell you about the snake in the rocking chair.

I got two of the sheets over the cabbage before something went wrong with my footing and I heard this awful crunching sound as one of my cabbage gave way under the assault. Mortified, I yanked my foot off the poor cabbage and completely lost my balance.  I went careening and flailing over the row of cabbage in a manner that probably terrified the wild life watching from the woods. Finally, I cleared the garden rows and fell face first in the dirt. I went down with a thud that could have been heard in Georgia. I lost one of my air-conditioned shoes somewhere among the cabbage, my glasses fell off, but despite it being Friday the 13th, I didn’t break any bones. Immediately, however, I thought of that possibility. Can you imagine me lying out there all night in freezing 28 degree weather hollering “Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.” Mom and Dad wouldn’t have heard me because they are too far away and Country Boy, my neighbor with the barking dogs, happens to be hard of hearing and unwilling to spring for hearing aids.  I would have been a popsicle by morning.

18 thoughts on “Cold Weather Woes”

  1. Well, I am sorry that you fell down. I hope nothing was hurt (except your dignity). I had to laugh, though, because I’ve fallen down so many times and thought to myself “what if no one found me for x number of hours?”

    1. Holleygarden — My dignity was totally trashed. Saved only by the dark. If my Dad or any of the neighbors had taken in that scene of me stumbling through the cabbage, they would have heehawed. Thanks for stopping by. –Mizz Chairman/Fool of the Garden

    1. Stone – I viewed all those photos you sent. Were the collards in the first photo behind the traffic cone? What kind of shape were they in when the snow melted off? I was just trying to keep my cabbage ALIVE. Cabbage moths have not been a problem; very few holes in leaves. Are you trying to tell me that I’m risking injury for nothing? No need to cover the cabbage? I’ll tell you why I was covering them. My Dad worked on a farm in his youth in NJ or PA. If the cabbage froze and then the sun hit them the next morning, they’d start to rot INSIDE. So they always picked them the night before and rushed them to market. By the way, did you hear the thud when I hit the ground? –Mizz Chairman

  2. Enjoyed going over your past blogs. This week we could all use a number of hats, scarves, coats, etc. It is cold even along the shores of Lake MIchigan. Or course, it is Winter and Winter for a long time! Jack

    1. Jack – Thanks for stopping by again and especially for reading lots of my posts. I commend your courage for living along the shores of Lake Michigan. I am such a wussy when it comes to cold that I could never live up north. When it goes below freezing here, I start wishing I could move to Key West. We do not have prolonged cold. Three days or so and then it warms up. Those three days, however, really raise our misery index. We DON’T have the scarves and coats because they just dry rot in the closet. –Mizz Chairman

  3. This story reminds me of rabbits. First, I am reminded of “The Tale of Peter Rabbit”. He loses his shoes and jacket in Mr. McGregor’s garden. Then I am reminded of Brer Rabbit and can visualize him lying on his back, laughing hysterically at you.

    1. You see, this is the perfect example of different impressions from the same story. My impression, as it was happening to me, was of an out-of-control helicopter with a clipped wing or something. The crash is always a surprise even though you know it’s coming. Still, I didn’t expect the earth to tremble like that. –Mizz Chairman

  4. The collards were behind the traffic cone…
    They were unaffected by the snow. I’m not much of a cabbage fan, it’s too hot here to grow them neway, but the collards aren’t bothered by the cold.

    I’d imagine that a cold snap in the teens or lower would do your cabbages in, the way it does for the lettuce and mustard here, but the high 20s really isn’t a problem for the cold season plants.

    Doesn’t make row covers wrong, the cabbage moths and the flea beetles can be problematic, and once they show up, not much I can do except till stuff under.

    1. Now Stone, it can’t be too hot to grow cabbage in Georgia. That’s further north than me! I planted mine in September and I ate the first one in late December or January but the head wasn’t fully formed. What I’ve been doing is buying a head of cabbage at the grocery store and then adding my beautiful, dark green cabbage leaves. The ones people pick off at the grocery store. Momma ain’t a fan of those dark green leaves but I am. I haven’t had any trouble with cabbage moths or flea beetles, just grasshoppers, but not enough to bother with spraying. The bok choi, though is another matter. Shot clean through with dozens of holes. –Mizz Chairman

      1. Yeah… Shouldn’t b 2 hot in winter… struth.
        Spraying? What’s that? Seems pointless to grow yer own if yer gonna add chems to the food.

        U still have grasshoppers? My cat wants 2 come 4 a visit… She ran out of grasshoppers here, and those birds fly away when she climbs the tree…

        1. Stone – I don’t spray with chemicals, just soap and water. Send your cat down here. I love cats. She should find plenty to snack on. Grasshoppers are a year-round problem. In early March, a grasshopper peculiar to Florida hatches. As a juvenile, it starts out black with an orange racing stripe down its back but becomes a giant honking 3 or 4 inch ghastly monster. Your cat might actually be intimidated by it. Go to Google Images and ask for a Florida Grasshopper.

      2. We have yall’s black grasshopper here as well. They’re slow moving, and seem like you could carve steaks…
        Cats don’t seem to like them near as much as the ones that fly.
        Seeing those monsters always reminds me of the bible story, John the Baptist, and his honey-roasted grasshoppers… I saw a coupla bee trees yesterday, one of them fell over, the owner’s help was trying to make firewood out of the tree, before the bees complained…
        Just think! Wild honey drizzled over big fat grasshoppers on a stick… roast those babies over the campfire like marshmallows! Yummm!

        I took the cat to a CSA farm the other day, it was surrounded by big farm dogs that wanted to inspect a cat on a leash… After a while, everybody settled down, and the cat was seeking out the dogs…

        1. Stone — I’m not surprised the cats aren’t keen on those grasshoppers. After all, the grasshopper is almost as big as they are. I don’t remember John the Baptist’s honey-roasted grasshoppers but I sure remember the locust stories. I’m gonna leave you at the campfire with those roasted grasshoppers; ugh. –Mizz Chairman

      3. John the Baptist’s “locusts” were grasshoppers.

        Locusts and wild honey, just like they told us about in bible school… Add in the campfire, and the story grows legs.

        I have this great story I tell about Jonah and the gourd vine, and when Jonah was playing cards with Pinocchio in the belly of the fish…

        A little bit of thought about those old stories, and they come right back into the oral tradition whence they came …

        1. Stone — Great retelling. I especially like the way you spell “anyway” and “11th hour converts” was hilarious. I’ve been in a read-a-book-of-the-Bible-a-week class since the fall of 2010. Mostly because, as you mention, God hasn’t been givin’ me any slack the last few years. I don’t remember Pinocchio being in the belly of the whale playing cards with Jonah but my mem’ry ain’t so hot so it could happened that way. As for not giving me any slack, I’m startin’ to look on the whole shebang as a blessing. What God has done is allowed me to live life according to my principles which are more in line with God’s idea of how things oughta be done, neway.

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